Melissa’s Story

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My obsession is so difficult to describe. My brain sees the obsession as a logical solution to a problem that it imagines. If i say a certain phrase, touch certain objects, do certain things that in the past has maybe preceded a negative event, my brain tells me i have to fix what i have just done/said or another negative event will occur. Its one of those screwed if you do screwed if you don’t situations. If i give in to my obsession to fix the chain of events my brain feels i have set in motion, i feel relieved, but know in the back of my head i have just fed my illness. If i do not give in to my obsession and something bad does occur my brain kind of gives me a i told you so and i’m back to thinking that i need these obsessions.

My obsession is numbers. My brain thinks that everything can be turned off and on, and if you do it the correct amount of times it will set you down the right path again. The repetitions are 2, 8 and 16. It initially started with 2. Then my brain decided the more repetitions done the better chance of things being corrected. So its 2 has a chance of correcting things, 8 has a fairly good chance and 16 corrects it.

It almost feels every time i give in and repeat something i say or do, i change realms, everything around me feels different each time i do it, until i finally do the right amount and everything feels the way it should be.

As i do it i am fully aware of how ridiculous this pattern of thinking is and yet i am powerless to do anything about it.

I’ve always known I’ve had a problem but never actually knew what it was. This is honestly the first time i’ve ever actually researched it and i was lucky enough to find this site.

I can not tell you how reassuring it is to know that I’m not alone.


Comments

Melissa’s Story — 1 Comment

  1. I know exactly what you are talking about. I dont do this really anymore but sometimes like if I turn around in a circle I have to turn around again the oppsote way or i will not feel right I will feel incomplete. If I touched something with 1 hand i would have to touch it with the other same with my fingers if i touched something with 1 finger I just had to do it with the other 9.I sometimes have fear if I dont kiss my kids goodnight or check on them something bad will happen.I also had problems with anxiety and depression Love to me was a worrysome thing a scary thing Scared to death of closeness because of the fear something bad may happen and what would i do if that happened i did not watch the news or read the paper that just created more fear and sort of confirmed the fact that bad things do happen then I got Lucinda Bassets attacking anxiety & depression self help program it changed my life Im currently on 20mg of Celexa to help but iot was Lucinda Basset that changed me

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