Aug 172003

The blackout was not too big a deal for me. Annoying and an inconvenience for sure. Without a mechanical means of moving air, like a fan or air conditioner, my apartment quickly takes on the atmospheric properties of Venus or maybe Mercury. Not conducive to continued living. It’s also too dark to read with out artificial light. I suppose I could have fired up the oil lamps or a candle or two…what’s a few more degrees of heat and who needs oxygen anyway? So I did like everyone else did around here.

I went outside.

I actually met some neighbors that have lived here as long as I have and we had never met. Parties were breaking out all up and down the block. It seems the first instinct in this crisis was to drink all the beer in the area before it got warm. Soon the barbecues were firing up, all that food was getting cooked in the refrigerators anyway. Since I do not drink anymore and while chatting with inebriated folks can be entertaining it tends to be one sided, so I went for a walk. All the houses lit by candles probably looked the way it was a hundred years ago(the houses were certainly here then), nice, except for the near constant sound of sirens. And the crack dealer on the corner doing a thriving business. Blackout sale?

Eventually I retired for the night and was in the process of trying to figure out how to make coffee in the morning when the power came back on. Cool. Except very low water pressure. Hmm, given the nature of my OCD(contamination) I wondered about how safe the water was. If the pressure drops, things can go the wrong way and waste water gets into the potable water… sometimes. So I made coffee with bottled water and started listening to news(after making mental note to get batteries for portable radio) not much useful information except for one warning that the major metro area near here was under a boil advisory. I had to call the local water utility and sure enough we are under a boil water advisory until further notice, which at this point is at least another 4 days. They say you need to boil water before drinking, or cooking or using to brush teeth but it is OK for bathing. Excuse me? It is not safe to put in our mouths but it is OK to wash our dishes, hands, clothes, bodies? I mean we are talking sewage here right? How can it be OK to bathe in that? All right I tell myself that is just my OCD talking. But my new friends(those neighbors I just met) have the same questions and they appear more or less normal at least I do not believe them to have the same set of concerns I live with.

Interesting predicament I find myself in. I wash. I wash a lot. My rituals involve washing. and washing of course uses water, water that is now contaminated. Oh what fun. For the time being I can cook with bottled water..washing the dishes using boiled water is a pain but doable. washing my hands, taking showers..much more of a challenge. I suppose I could trust my government and just do it, which I suppose is what most folks are doing. But this is the same authority that hasn’t gotten the word out that we need to boil water. Thank God for Purell. I wash then use that after. Works for hands. Haven’t figured out the shower thing yet. Good thing I don’t get out much, if I don’t figure this out I will be rather hard to be around(atmospherically speaking) in another 4 days.

This is rather a major OCD crisis thing and moves the whole experience way beyond inconvenience, for me.

and it was sad. My first wife passed away. I had not seen or talked with her in 15 years… at least. But still often thought of her. And in spite of it all, there was still feeling there. I guess when one loves one really never stops doing that. Buried it might be, even forgotten in the pain of separation and what lead to the ending of the relationship but it is there. They have left their presence on your soul and they have changed your life. For better or for worse you are not the person you were before you knew them and loved them. I think I am better. The divorce and its aftermath were not a pretty thing. Lots of damage was done, lots of pain was the result for all involved and yet I sit here and I remember the pretty young bride, her laugh, the way she always had a Kleenex in one hand and a coke in the other …all the other little things. And we loved. Then we were no more. We move on. I read in the paper about her life, the career she had, the new family, things I knew nothing about. She died at home with her family around her. I guess that is as good as that gets. It doesn’t say how or why she died but donations to the American Cancer Society are suggested..I hope it was not too bad and that her passing was gentle and peaceful. I do not think I will be going to her funeral, I don’t know the appropriateness of that. And funerals are not something I do usually. I think I will revisit the places we shared, where we met, were we lived and remember the woman I once loved and who loved me. I am surprised by my sadness, and by my tears.

© 2011 Incertus - Living With OCD Wordpress Suffusion theme by Sayontan Sinha