Eric’s OCD Story

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My name is eric and i have had ocd all my life..It finally started controlling me and i ended up in a mental hospital twice.. I saw the movie “Girl Interrupted” and it changed my view of things..

I realized that if i was ever going to get off medications or control my life i would have to do it. The doctor could not help, family could not help and the hospital could not help. Most of the therapy that i had been going too ended up just repeating itself over and over. when i saw the movie i made a decision to get off meds and find the answers myself.

That movie Girl interrupted is a trigger for some people. I just learned that no one is going to pull me out of the pit…i had to climb out on my own

I took myself off meds gradually. I did have a lot of return symptoms..not sleeping at night and my head start to doubt everything again and the rush of ideas that bombarded my head…

I have learned to cut it off. when these ideas start i will try to shift gears and get my mind on something else..

I am also a self injure person. i have cut my wrist before, i have cuts that needed stitches on my arms and i have overdosed twice trying to kill the inside by killing the outside…but in turn i end up back where i started so i had to change my thinking

Do not get me wrong. I still have this little voice in my head that tells me i am worthless and that i need to die. I just tell this voice (i do not hear voices it is me telling me things)that i will not give into it anymore..

I have to have everything in order..and everything in a certain place or i feel out of control. I have started to just allow my children to have their rooms as they like it as long as it is clean not the way i think of clean but clean as a normal person would see it.

I have come a very long way and i am starting to feel good about myself again.

My marriage had suffered because i was on so much si inhibitors that i could not function properly as a male should. My wife had to deal with all of this…but it has gotten better since i got off the meds and i also started exercising, reading etc..

When i have down days i see them as down days and that is it. tomorrow will be better…If i allowed myself to think that life was over for me..i get deeper into that pit.

Yes, i still have ocd and PTSD…..but i will not ever allow myself to go into that pit again..once i get in it i go deeper and deeper…

My main reason to write this is to offer hope for my brothers and sisters out there. I know that we are not all the same and that things appear easier to some than others..I have had a very ruff life and i have never been free of all these feelings of self worth and doubt…

I have accepted the fact that i have mental problems..(some say that i am crazy..ha)..I just know by facing my problem and dealing with it and making it part of me instead of running and hiding from it..i can lead a better life..

I now live my life day to day moment by moment and i have stopped comparing myself to others and to replace the negative with the positive.. take care and god bless..

eric

The content in this post is mirrored from my original OCD site here;


Comments

Eric’s OCD Story — 1 Comment

  1. Hello,

    It sounds like you have been through hell and back. I admire your strength to go on. I wish there wasn’t such a stigma, with “mental disorders”. If you’re a diabetic, you take what is needed. If you have OCD you are lacking certain chemicals, and may have to take the proper medication, to get things back in gear.

    I also suffer from OCD, and have been through hell and back. I’ve been hospitalized several times, for suicide. I am currently seeing a doctor, who perscribes me Paxil and Abilify. It has helped out with my rage, but the bizarre thoughts keep coming. I may go back to my behavioral therapist, because the thoughts are getting out of hand. They are causing problems in my relationships.

    Well, I wish you the best. I’m glad you are taking good care of yourself. Remember, the mind can be lethal. God Bless!

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